Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Insecure Writers Support Group: Defining

Hello there, fellow IWSG'ers and followers alike. For this edition of the Insecure Writers Support Group brought to you by Alex J. Cavanaugh, I'd like to discuss "defining."

Some back story about where this post's idea came from...

I'm listening to Midnight in Austenland by Shannon Hale. The main character's ex-husband left her for another woman (the cheating jerk). Now she doesn't think of herself as a successful internet business owner or the mother of two great kids; no, she thinks of herself as one thing: a divorcee. She has defined herself as something she considers negative.

This got me thinking about what I define myself as... And do you know what? I tend to define myself with all things negative instead of flowering myself with positive adjectives.

For instance: I'm single--in the bad sense that I have failed the dating scene miserably. There must be something wrong with me if I can't capture a guys attention... haha However, I should be defining myself as single in the sense that I can do anything, go anywhere, and not have to worry about a husband or children at this time of my life. I'm free as a bird!

Often times I feel that since I'm not published, I must be a terrible writer. All the rejections pile up and make me depressed. Therefore, I define myself as a crappy writer at times. Yet, I am a writer. Just because I'm not published by one of the top 5 traditional publishers (YET) doesn't mean I'm less of a writer than anyone else. I am a writer because I write and that is what should define me--not that New York Times Bestselling Author is printed on my book(s). Although, I would rather fancy that being the case. :)

Anyway, let's take a step back and re-evaluate how we define ourselves and make sure it is positive. We'd all be a measure happier, I think, if we consider ourselves better than we do.

Do you fall into the defining yourself negatively trap? How do you define yourself? Have you read Midnight in Austenland or any other Shannon Hale books for that matter? If not, you're missing out folks!

Writing Jewels   

16 comments:

  1. A negative nelly you are. I guess it beats being a nosey parker though haha and can relate to the single one, sadly.

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    1. Yup, I need to kick the negativity out of me and be a cup half full kinda gal. :)

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  2. I like your attitude! It is all in how we view ourselves. I'm probably most negative with my guitar playing because I really want to be a lot better.

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    1. Wouldn't we all like to be better at our craft. Works in progress we are! You should share some of your music on your blog sometime. Let us be the judge. We are our own worst critic, ya know.

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  3. I love this!! It's so true, it really matters that we give ourselves a break and focus on the remarkable awesomeness going on instead of what we wish we had. I find myself doing that too because I still have no agent, but that doesn't mean it won't happen!! I write because I love it, and someday it will happen for us, Julia!!! :D

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  4. Great post, Jewels!

    I define myself in a mixed manner that I call "balanced" (such a "proper" word, maybe even politically correct —aaaaaarrrrggg). Truth is, I do some things very well (most of the time) and some things I do well infrequently. But I am past the point of beating myself up about my life. If I don't like things, I need to change them. F'rinstance: my banjo sounds terrible when I play it once every six months. If I want an improvement, I need to spend more time with it. That is a simple matter of choice.

    As for writing, I've been doing it for so long, I cannot imagine myself going more than a few days without writing something.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!
    Bears Noting, Life in the Urban Forest (poetry).

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  5. You are the positive one, chica! Yes, one day it WILL happen for us! Woot.

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    1. This comment was directed at Cortney. For some reason it didn't link with your comment. :/

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  6. Great post, Julia! I LOVED Midnight in Austenland. That experience was such a great one for her. She was really smart but didn't give herself credit. We women tend to do that to ourselves a lot.

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  7. I think a lot of these definitions are based on what others think too. The world says we fit into one stereotype and we believe it. I wish we spent less time categorizing each other (and ourselves) and focused instead on what we are and what we can become.

    You rock, Julia. You have tough conversations with yourself that keep you real. Keep it up!

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  8. I like this! Trying to redefine the way we see ourselves from negative to positive, that's a fantastic attitude to have. Now... I have to figure out how to do it lol

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  9. Great post. I tend to do that, too.

    PS- I'll gladly loan you my husband and three kids. Single looks really good right now. :P

    IWSG #123, until Alex culls the list again. :)

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  10. Why is it always so much easier to identify ourselves with negative adjectives. This is something I do too. I guess we just have to practice until being more positive comes naturally.

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  11. Glad you define yourself only as a writer, not as an unpublished writer. The publishing business is way different than it used to be. I'm not convinced it all that "traditional" publishing is the way to go. Best of luck! I'll be reading!

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  12. That's a great way of looking at things. I like the idea of changing the definition from negative to positive. Way too often I define myself in a negative way. Time for a change in the way I think!

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